This is something that Jay and I have been thinking hard about for the last few weeks. I've asked my family what they think. I've asked other parents of HIV+ children what they think.
And still I'm thinking.
The problem is that I'm not a particularly secretive person. I tend to be an open book, if not quite a blabbermouth, and Jay is the same way. In general I find that a rather refreshing way to live. But I don't know how to make that choice on behalf of my son.
But here's a case in point. I was out at lunch with several friends and acquaintances from my church a few weeks ago. These are people that I know and love, several of whom could be real resources when it comes to having a child with a special needs. But I found myself telling them about our adoption plans for the first time, and I was perfectly upfront about finding Yale on Reece's Rainbow. But then the question came up: did Yale have special needs?
I should have expected the question, of course. But I found myself underprepared
I hedged. I am uncomfortable doing that with people who are my friends, honestly. But I also know how things work. If suddenly all of them know, it won't be long before everyone else knows too. (Not a judgment on my friends, but let's be honest here!) And I'm not so sure that everyone else has any business knowing his medical issues! And yet it is strange for me not to confide in this particular group of people.
I still don't know how I feel about it all. And I realize that the issue of disclosure is something that my family and I will likely revisit again and again over the years.
So I'm thinking about it still.
I'll keep thinking about it for awhile, I think.
Dear Nora - 3 years old
3 weeks ago